Narcissist Reversed Sexual Consent - What is it?

Introduction: When Intimacy Becomes a Weapon

In this article, I want to share a deeply personal and disturbing pattern of abuse I endured at the hands of L.O. If you've ever found yourself accused of things you didn't do, especially after a toxic breakup, this story may resonate with you.

One of the most insidious tactics narcissists use, rarely talked about but devastating, is the sexualization-reversal strategy. It is the act of consensually engaging in intimate or sexual behavior with a partner, then later weaponizing that same behavior to accuse the partner of exploitation or coercion. This is exactly what happened to me.

Phase 1: Love Bombing and Sexual Mirroring

When L.O. and I first connected, it was like a scene from a romantic novel. She mirrored everything about me, my intellectual interests, my dreams, my sense of humor and sexual preferences. She was not a reluctant participant in sexual discussions. She often initiated them.  She told me explicitly what she liked and wanted. Our conversations were surprisingly explicit and I remember thinking this must be due to her growing up in Europe. She seemed entirely comfortable in openly discussing sex and sexual acts without any hint of shyness.

For the first few months, this was the dynamic.We explored different ideas and fantasies and sensed no hesitation on her part . All done online, without ever meeting in person. One thing that did strike me as strange was her reluctance to ever participate in a two way sex chat. She claimed shyness, and refused to even leave her microphone on when we had a "sex call". I was expected to do all the talking while she would tell me afterwards how great it had been. Of course I know now that she was probably laughing at me whenever she got me to perform in that way. And she obviously did not want evidence of anything to remain. She future faked me into believing a meeting was always imminent but it was a calculated ruse, as there would never be a meeting, and she always knew that. This was a long distance romance scam. Something I had never even heard of.

Phase 2: Sexual Manipulation

As sex talk became a regular thing between us, iIt was not just about physical desire. It was about connection. She expressed her desire to consummate our relationship physically, often telling me how much she enjoyed our sexual rapport. She asked, even demanded, I come up with sexual scenarios, the more explicit, the better. During those times when her narcissism was in full force she would constantly be talking about sex, initiating 'sex talks' continuously. In private messages, she would say things like:

"I came four times already today. You do this to me." and  "My pussy is exhausted after today." and "I'm permanently horny for you."

She regularly initiated late-night intimate conversations. Her tone was never hesitant. If anything, she was enthusiastic and confident in her sexuality. But always careful not to talk explicitly when there was a chance of being recorded. And her explicit photographs always had her head chopped off. It seems she has had previous experience in this sort of thing. This was not a frightened, coerced woman. This was a willing, equal participant who praised my abilities in conjuring up ever changing fantasies that she would listen to while pleasing herself multiple times per session (at least that's what she claimed). Not a victim. I have an email where she tells me I should come to Germany for a 2 week sex holiday, as long as I bring money with me. She said she wasn't interested in an old man like me except if I had money. She also said that she was curious to see what  I could do in bed.

Phase 3: The Narcissistic Reversal Begins

But then came the change. As conflicts began to surface, often triggered by my refusal to comply with certain controlling behaviors, L.O. subtly began rewriting history. She accused me of being a "60 year old sex pervert" and a "sex-obsessed old fuck." She told others that I had pressured her into sexual conversations and that my "sexualization" made her uncomfortable. She accused me of only using her for my own sexual gratifications. 

This was not just an emotional attack. It was narrative control through the weaponizing of sex. By reversing our shared, consensual sexual history and painting herself as a victim (she always deleted all our chats, in order to rewrite history, making me the abuser and herself the victim), she accomplished several narcissistic goals:

• Control the Story: In any potential fallout, she would be the injured party, not the abuser.
• Induce Shame and Guilt: She wanted me to feel like a predator, to silence me through shame.
• Discredit Me: If I ever exposed her abuse, she could undermine my credibility by labeling me as sexually exploitative.
• Extract Narcissistic Supply: Even in rejection, she fed off the drama and emotional response her accusations provoked.

Phase 4: Gaslighting and Trauma Looping

This tactic wasn't just a public smear. It was designed to create cognitive dissonance within me. How could I reconcile the affectionate, intimate partner who had shared her desires so freely, with this new image of myself as an abuser?

It induced what psychologists call a trauma loop, a cycle of self-doubt, guilt, attempts to defend oneself, and repeated psychological harm. It was textbook narcissistic abuse.

Why Narcissists Use Sexualization-Reversal

Let me explain why narcissists, especially covert narcissists deploy this tactic:

• Reputation Protection: Their public image must be preserved at all costs. If they have to sacrifice your reputation to save their own, they will. In fact, they often do this deliberately.
• Punishment for Autonomy: If you dare to set boundaries, leave, or expose them, they retaliate by attacking your character. What better way than by painting me as the "dirty old man" the "Sexual Pervert". She accused me saying:" All you wanted was to fuck a young German Woman"
• Victimhood as a Shield: By portraying themselves as victims, they garner sympathy and deflect scrutiny from their own abusive actions. They will sink to any depth to fulfill their selfish ends. Including destroying an innocent mans reputation. 
• Trauma Bond Maintenance: The shame they instill often keeps victims entangled, constantly trying to prove they're "good" or "innocent." This helps to keep them from exposing the real abuse that is often still taking place, even while the narcissist is conducting a smear campaign against the real victim.

The Truth, Evidenced

I retained dozens of screenshots and chat logs showing L.O.'s active, enthusiastic participation in our intimate conversations. She expressed desire, initiated sexual discussions, and never once indicated fear, discomfort, or coercion. Her later claims were not just lies, they were engineered to inflict maximum psychological, reputational and legal damage while protecting her from exposure.

Sexual Allegations

Overview of false sexual allegations

L.O. has repeatedly alleged in communications to third parties that I:

• Demanded sexual communications against her will
• Was a "60-year-old pervert," "sex obsessed," and "disgusting"
• Made endless sexual advances and crude fantasies
• Pressured her for "constant satisfaction"
• Displayed no understanding of consent or boundaries

These allegations are demonstrably false based on extensive documentary evidence. This report analyzes L.O.'s actual sexual communication patterns and exposes the dramatic contradiction between her public claims and her private behaviors.

Documented sexual initiation patterns

1. Explicit Sexual History Sharing

• Volunteered information about competing with a friend to see "who could do the most men in one night" (claiming to have had sex with 14 men in a single evening)
• Described incestuous behavior (French kissing her own sister)
• Detailed sexual encounters with university friends

2. Direct Sexual Invitations

• Explicitly invited me to Germany for what she termed a "sex holiday"
• Expressed "great curiosity" about my sexual abilities
• Used code words like "wet," "cake," and "Shorty" to initiate sexual discussions
• Repeatedly stated how "horny" I supposedly made her

3. Unusual Sexual Disclosures

• Asked if I would consume my own semen, stating she "does this all the time"
• Regularly described her masturbation habits in graphic detail
• Provided details about incestuous conduct
• Shared intimate details about her sexual health issues

Sexual control dynamics

L.O.'s communications reveal a consistent pattern of sexual dominance behaviors:

1. Self-Pleasure Priority

• Stated that "no man could ever really satisfy me, I have tried often enough"
• Described routinely going to the bathroom after intercourse to "finish herself"
• Pretended a brand new sex toy had broken when I was supposed to be controlling it.
• This behavior aligns with documented narcissistic sexual patterns where maintaining control over pleasure is prioritized over mutual intimacy

2. Sexual Triangulation

• Frequently described sexual encounters with others
• Constantly paraded overnight female visitors in a manner suggesting sexual encounters
• Wanted to know is she should "paint my name on her cheeks" suggesting sex with other partners while humiliating my name

3. Sexualized Power Displays

• Sexual excitement following professional harm (multiple orgasms after PIKA ban)
• Explicit messaging immediately following acts of rejection or manipulation
• Using sexual content as both reward and punishment

False Victim Narrative Creation

L.O.'s contradictory presentation demonstrates calculated image management:

1. Audience-Based Reality Distortion

• Communications intended for third parties present her as sexually reluctant and harassed
• Private communications show aggressive sexual initiation and explicit content sharing
• This dramatic disparity cannot be attributed to misunderstanding or miscommunication

2. Anticipatory Defense Construction

• Creates a preemptive "victim" narrative specifically in communications likely to be seen by others
• Positions herself as sexually conservative in public while maintaining explicitly aggressive sexual communication in private
• This pattern suggests conscious, deliberate narrative manipulation rather than genuine concern

3. Projection of Her Own Behaviors

• Accuses me of sexual obsession and perversion while demonstrating those very traits herself
• Claims to feel "zero physical attraction" while simultaneously describing intense arousal and desire to test my sexual prowess
• Attributes her own boundary violations to others 

Conclusion

The documented evidence demonstrates a profound and deliberate contradiction between L.O.'s public allegations and her actual behavior. Her claims of unwanted sexual attention are directly contradicted by her consistent pattern of initiating explicit sexual communications, sharing unusual sexual practices, and demonstrating arousal connected to power dynamics.

This pattern of sexual contradiction appears consistent with broader manipulation tactics identified in other aspects of her behavior, including:

• Saying one thing while doing the opposite
• Creating false narratives for third-party consumption
• Projecting her own behaviors onto others
• Using sexuality as both a control mechanism and a form of retribution

The evidence strongly suggests that L.O.'s allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior are not only false but represent a deliberate attempt to discredit concerns about her own manipulative and inappropriate conduct.

Below can be seen how the narcissist uses sexual inuendo and sexual  advances to entice the victim. She will later pretend that the victim was coercing her into doing sexual acts in order to further her victim narrative. As is made crystal clear when reading these messages the narcissist is eager and willing to drive the sex narrative. A far cry from the fake outcries on emails where she will claim that I forced her into doing these talks.