The Beginning

What follows is a detailed account of my personal experience with L.O. This site chronicles the events from our first interaction in August 2023 through to the current date, documenting the classic patterns of narcissistic abuse: love bombing, devaluation, discarding, and ultimately, revenge.  

I have tried to document as much as I could. Although L.O. managed to delete large amounts of evidence in the form of messages and chats, once I realized what was happening I attempted to keep a record of events. This habit of record-keeping proved invaluable as the situation escalated from emotional manipulation to narcissistic abuse and cyberstalking all the way to probable identity theft. What began as a seemingly innocent online connection evolved into a coordinated campaign against me that continues to this day.

I believe I was the target of a so called 'long distance romance scam', as there were several attempts made at either indirectly convincing me to give her money, or at outright attempts at theft during the hacking of my online accounts.. This site is not about revenge or retaliation. It is about preventing this from happening to someone else. 

Love Bombing

August 26th 2023

I first connected with L.O. through Discord while beta-testing an AI video platform called PIKA. Our initial interactions were friendly as we apparently shared common interests in technology, Sci-Fi and AI and we both spoke German. She presented herself as a 30-year-old single woman from Stuttgart, Germany, with a vibrant personality and keen interest in my work. She was intelligent, funny and charming. She soon told me of having been abused by previous partners, and came across as vulnerable and in need of mentoring. I felt protective of her and wanted to assure her that not all men were abusive. She seemed to really "get" me. We developed a almost instant connection.

What I didn't recognize at the time were the classic signs of love bombing. L.O. quickly escalated our interactions, texting me constantly, spending hours online talking and questioning me, soon moving from casual conversation to romantic interest at an unnaturally rapid pace. At this stage I was vulnerable to this kind of manipulation. My marriage had been going through a rough patch, and it seemed that we had grown apart. We had made several attempts at fixing things up but it seemed to be a doomed effort. L.O. then began sending me numerous photographs, some of an explicit nature, and initiated increasingly intimate conversations. Soon she professed deep feelings for me, and talk began of a possible visit in order for us to meet in person. I believed her implicitly, after all I could see she was real, we talked often on video, I knew where she worked and even interacted with her mother and sister on occasion, as well as her friends. 

The attention was flattering, if somewhat surprising given our 29-year age difference (I was 59 at the time). I was sceptical at first, but she gradually convinced me that the age gap could be bridged. L.O. was extremely attentive, messaging me multiple times daily, showing deep interest in every aspect of my life, and offering glowing praise for my work and accomplishments. She showered me with compliments, affection and attention. She made me feel 'seen', something I had not felt in a long time. I soon began to look at her in a different light, and we began making plans for when we could be together. I now understand this as the initial phase of narcissistic manipulation, creating an immediate sense of connection and intimacy that hadn't been earned through time and genuine understanding. Everything moved at breakneck speed. Her idealization of me had the effect of binding me to her and of making me feel special, common patterns seen in narcissistic abuse cycles. 

Below: An example of the love bombing phase

Intimate Language as a means of manipulation

She had no trouble expressing intimate thoughts  and voicing her supposed desires to me. Some examples of her texts to me are:

"Why are you so good at this?" In reference to me talking to her about what we would do once we got together.

"I come naturally with your words" She said this after requesting me to tell her an explicit roleplay scenario.

"I think we could not stop for a long time" This was in answer to my statement about how often we would be having sex.

"Rawr" One of her favorite codewords for expressing sexual arousal.

"you would love how wet my pussy is" is something she often told me about.

I still have the screenshots to prove all of this and much more. There are also many instances of her telling me very intimate details about her sexual practices and preferences.  Clearly these would not be the words of someone who was being "sexually assaulted" in a digital manner. This one of the many false charges now being used against me by this predator and scammer.

Disclaimer: The image is anonymous and does not identify anyone. It is used as an example..

September 2023

L.O. deepened our emotional bond through constant contact and repeated affirmations of affection. She expressed admiration and love for me, creating what felt like an intense and genuine connection. Our conversations grew more intimate, moving from surface-level chat to deeply personal topics. I trusted her completely. We migrated to other platforms and spent hours talking, often staying up all night discussing the future and watching films together. I shared with her my most private thoughts and experiences. She seemed unusually interested in all aspects of my past, especially my childhood and any traumas and issues I had.

Later, she admitted she had been researching me extensively during this time. On Google she found a long-form interview I had given and used it to mirror my favorite books, films, and interests with uncanny accuracy. She studied my online presence, YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook, and portfolio sites. This was not about connection. It was strategy. She even added a quote from The Matrix, my favorite film, to her WhatsApp status.

She also said this to me in a chat, “I showed you my images. That was not an accident.”  Admitting she had deliberately used her photos to entice me, knowing her appearance would make a strong impression.

She understood that a much younger woman showing interest in a man thirty years her senior would have a powerful effect. She told me the age gap didn’t bother her, that she wanted me for who I was, not what I looked like. She spoke openly and often about wanting sex with me when I eventually came to Germany.

Images like these were used to entice me and to get me invested in coming to Germany so that we could "meet". This was just a ruse (future faking) to keep me  under control and to manipulate and abuse me. She eventually admitted that she never had any intention of meeting with me, something I had know for a very long time but that she had always denied. She always used anonymous photos like these to maintain plausible deniability, and she had no compunction in sending these to a man twice her age along with invitations to join her for a 'sex' holiday. 

Below: A letter inviting me to Germany for a "two week sex holiday". She later charged me with sexual assault even though we never actually me in real life.

In hindsight, this was manipulation, not desire. Her later panic when she thought I might actually come to Germany (see The Reaction) revealed the truth. It was all an act. None of it was real. It was a setup to get me emotionally invested so that I would voluntarily offer her the money she needed for her supposed operation.

What felt like spontaneous chemistry was in fact calculated and faked. It was all about getting control. And money.

October 2023

One of her most effective manipulation tactics was claiming she "hated and distrusted all men" because they had "always abused her." This triggered a protective reflex in me. I felt the urge to reassure her that not all men were like that, that I was different, safe, trustworthy. She reinforced this by recounting stories of abuse, ex-boyfriends like Dom, her own father, and even her stepfather as psychological or sexual aggressors. This created a classic savior-victim dynamic she would later exploit.

By late October, the relationship had deepened. We were discussing long-term plans, including the possibility of my migrating to Germany. Although I was still married, the subject came up rarely. I had told her my wife and I were estranged and that I was considering a formal separation. That seemed to satisfy her, at least in the beginning.

As she continued revealing more of her "personal struggles," I was drawn in further. She spoke of childhood traumas, how she ha been forced to protect her younger sister from her mothers abuse, her failed relationships, a hostile work environment, trouble with her driving instructor, and urgent health issues. She claimed she needed 20,000 euros for reconstructive surgery, and that the German health care system did not cover such procedures. My empathy deepened when she told me she had difficulty breathing and that her quality of life was diminished.  I later discovered the procedure would have only cost between 3,000 and 5,000 euros, especially in Turkey, which she had mentioned as her intended destination. I believe this was a calculated attempt to extract money under false pretenses, something she failed at accomplishing.

November 2023

Looking back with the clarity I lacked at the time, I now recognize the classic tactics of narcissistic manipulation at play. L.O. studied me carefully. She learned what triggered my protective instincts, what made me feel valued, and what my insecurities were. She mined me for data constantly, asking about my childhood, traumas, and inner wounds. Sometimes she even ran "psychology tests" under the guise of helping me.

She mirrored me. She adopted my values, habits, and convictions, presenting a carefully tailored performance of perfect compatibility. She often spoke of soulmates and "twin flames," reinforcing the illusion that we were destined for each other. In truth, she was simply reflecting her idealised version of me back at myself. During one conversation, she said: "You have to ask yourself why. Why are you so sad, so devastated, so hurt. It's inside you, something that's been there forever. I am your only chance to heal. You have to trust me. I didn’t hurt you, not really. I just opened a wound that never healed." It sounded profound. In reality, it was a tactical play, casting herself as my only hope while excusing her own actions that were harming me.

She positioned herself as my personal therapist. This was not out of compassion or genuine interest, but as part of a calculated and targeted campaign. The sex chats she initiated, where she demanded vivid and detailed scenarios, were another tactic. They were not about connection. They were designed to bind me, to deepen the dependency, and to collect material she could later use against me.

At the time, I had no idea. Now I understand. Every layer of intimacy was engineered to make me trust her. Every vulnerability was filed away for later use. There was nothing real about any of it. I had no idea I was being conned.

December 2023

By December, our relationship had intensified. L.O. urged me constantly to travel to Germany to meet her. Our plans became ever more detailed. In late December 2023, L.O. sent me a voice message in German, wishing me a happy new year and said her only wish for 2024 was that we would finally meet in person at Stuttgart Airport (see below). When she later asked me to tell my wife about our feelings for each other, I agreed. Just before New Year's Eve, I told my estranged wife everything. She was shocked and understandably hurt, but said that if it was truly what I needed, she would not stand in my way. I was too blinded by my selfishness to see the hurt I had caused her.

So I planned to get my passport and to apply for Visa. I was about to embark on a new life, and I was convinced that I had met my perfect companion. But the cracks in this illusion were about to show themselves.

Next: The devaluation phase begins

Above is the message I received in December 2023. She sounds sincere and enthusiastic. Little did I know that it was all fake. Everything was just a pretense designed to make me believe she was really interested in being with me. She later admitted she never had any intention to meet me. She was just playing me to achieve her goals. Future faking is a favorite tactic used by narcissists to control their victims. Many long distance romance scams are perpetrated by narcissists. (Voice has been altered to protect privacy)

Next: Read How the narcissist devalues a victim