"You got me pretty curious about your skills in bed, so yes, I am interested to find that out. You can come here for a sex holiday, and you better make me enjoy it. ;-) Nothing more. We are not going to be a couple. You are going to stay in SA and grow old there. After the two weeks you go back to your wife. Can't offer you more than that ."     L.O.  (The terrified 'Victim')

The Beginning

 

What follows is a detailed account of my personal experience with a covert narcissist whom I'll refer to as L.O. This site chronicles the events from our first interaction in August 2023 through to the current date, documenting the classic patterns of narcissistic abuse: love bombing, devaluation, discarding, and ultimately, revenge. I have chosen to tell my story and show my face. 

 

I have tried to document as much as I could. Although the narcissist managed to delete large amounts of evidence in the form of messages and chats, once I realized what was happening I attempted to keep a record of events. This habit of record-keeping proved invaluable as the situation escalated from emotional manipulation to narcissistic abuse and cyberstalking all the way to possible identity theft. What began as a seemingly innocent online connection evolved into a coordinated campaign against me that continues to this day. Why I deserved to be the target of this predator is beyond me, but what I do know is that had I seen the warning signs earlier I would have acted differently. This site is not about revenge or retaliation. It is about preventing this from happening to someone else. 

Love Bombing

 

August 26th 2023

I first connected with L.O. through Discord while beta-testing an AI video platform called PIKA. Our initial interactions were friendly as we apparently shared common interests in technology, Sci-Fi and AI and we both spoke German. She presented herself as a 30-year-old single woman from Stuttgart, Germany, with a vibrant personality and keen interest in my work. She was intelligent, funny and charming. She soon told me of having been abused by previous partners, and came across as vulnerable and in need of mentoring. I felt protective of her and wanted to assure her that not all men were abusive. She seemed to really "get" me. We developed a almost instant connection.

 

What I didn't recognize at the time were the classic signs of love bombing. L.O. quickly escalated our interactions, texting me constantly, spending hours online talking and questioning me, soon moving from casual conversation to romantic interest at an unnaturally rapid pace. She then began sending me numerous photographs, some of an explicit nature, and initiated increasingly intimate conversations. Soon she professed deep feelings for me, and talk began of a possible visit in order for us to meet in person. 

 

Visual Control: The Art of Anonymous Seduction

Throughout our relationship, she regularly sent me photographs like the one below. Each image followed the same formula: anonymous framing, deliberate cropping, and carefully chosen poses designed to provoke while preserving deniability. Always faceless. Always controlled. They were not moments of intimacy , they were instruments of manipulation.

This stylized rendering is based on one such image, anonymized and transformed for public context. The original photograph showed her posing in underwear, head out of frame, hands positioned just enough to maintain plausible modesty. It was sent with precision, not affection, and formed part of a recurring tactic: to blur lines, stir longing, and create a sense of closeness that could be retracted at will.

I include it here not to expose, but to illustrate. This was her pattern. It wasn’t spontaneous or emotional — it was calculated. These images were her currency of control, exchanged not out of vulnerability, but as tools of power and distance.

Above Right: Stylized depiction of a typical image sent during the manipulation phase. Anonymized for context. Included to demonstrate intent and pattern. You have to ask, what reason would you have to send someone a headless image of yourself? This is pure enticement.

How a covert narcissist uses sex as a weapon

How the narcissist used sex to manipulate, blackmail and control me.

Evidence demonstrates that L.O. consistently initiated explicit sexual communications:

1. Explicit Sexual History Sharing

  • Volunteered information about competing with a friend to see "who could do the most men in one night"
  • Described incestuous behavior

2. Direct Sexual Invitations

  • Explicitly invited me to Germany for what she termed a "2 week sex holiday" also mentioned bringing money
  • Expressed "great curiosity" about my sexual abilities

Sexual Control Dynamics

L.O.'s communications reveal a consistent pattern of sexual dominance behaviors:

1. Self-Pleasure Priority

  • Stated that "no man could ever really satisfy her" and that she had "tried often enough"
  • Described routinely going to the bathroom after intercourse to "finish herself"
  • This behavior aligns with documented narcissistic sexual patterns where maintaining control over pleasure is prioritized over mutual intimacy

2. Sexualized Power Displays

  • Sexual excitement following professional harm (self admitted multiple orgasms after PIKA ban)
  • Explicit messaging immediately following acts of rejection or manipulation
  • Using sexual content as both reward and punishment and using sexual screenshots as blackmail material
  • Threatening to send my "ugly dick pics" to my wife and collegues

False Victim Narrative Creation

L.O.'s contradictory presentation demonstrates calculated image management:

1. Audience-Based Reality Distortion

  • Communications intended for third parties present her as sexually reluctant and harassed
  • Private communications show aggressive sexual initiation and explicit content sharing
  • This dramatic disparity cannot be attributed to misunderstanding or miscommunication. It is a deliberate creation of a narrative designed to cast me as the abuser and herself as the victim.

2. Anticipatory Defense Construction

  • Creates a preemptive "victim" narrative specifically in communications likely to be seen by others
  • Positions herself as sexually conservative in public while maintaining explicitly aggressive sexual communication in private
  • This pattern suggests conscious, deliberate narrative manipulation rather than genuine behavior

3. Projection of Her Own Behaviors

  • Accuses me of sexual obsession while demonstrating those very traits herself
  • Claims to feel "zero physical attraction" while simultaneously describing intense arousal
  • Accuses me of sexual perversion when she shows extensive signs of that trait herself

Conclusion

The documented evidence demonstrates a profound and deliberate contradiction between L.O. public allegations and her actual behavior. Her claims of unwanted sexual attention are directly contradicted by her consistent pattern of initiating explicit sexual communications, sharing unusual sexual practices, and demonstrating arousal connected to power dynamics. These are evidenced by numerous recorded conversations.

This pattern of sexual contradiction appears consistent with broader manipulation tactics identified in other aspects of her behavior, including:

  • Saying one thing while doing the opposite
  • Creating false narratives for third-party consumption
  • Projecting her own behaviors onto others
  • Using sexuality as both a control mechanism and a form of retribution

L.O. allegations of inappropriate sexual behavior are not only false but represent a deliberate attempt to pre-emptively discredit legitimate concerns about her own manipulative and inappropriate conduct.

 

The attention was flattering, if somewhat surprising given our 29-year age difference (I was 59 at the time). L.O. was extremely attentive, messaging me multiple times daily, showing deep interest in every aspect of my life, and offering effusive praise for my work and accomplishments. She showered me with compliments and I soon began to look at her in a different light, making plans for when we could be together. I now understand this as the initial phase of narcissistic manipulation, creating an immediate sense of connection and intimacy that hadn't been earned through time and genuine understanding. This idealization had the effect of binding me to her and of making me feel seen and special, common patterns seen in narcissistic abuse cycles.

 

September 2023

L.O. deepened our emotional bond through constant contact and repeated affirmations of affection. She expressed admiration and love for me, creating what felt like an intense and genuine connection. Our conversations grew more intimate, moving from surface-level chat to deeply personal topics. I trusted her completely. We migrated to other platforms and spent hours talking, often staying up all night discussing the future and watching sci-fi films together. I shared with her my most private thoughts and experiences.

Later, she admitted she had been researching me extensively during this time. She found a long-form interview I had given and used it to mirror my favorite books, films, and interests with uncanny accuracy. She studied my online presence, YouTube, LinkedIn, Facebook, and portfolio sites. This was not about connection. It was strategy.

She even added a quote from The Matrix, my favorite film, to her WhatsApp status. She even admitted once, “I showed you my images. That was not an accident.”  She had deliberately used her LinkedIn profile photo to entice me, knowing her appearance would make a strong impression.

She understood that a much younger woman showing interest in a man thirty years her senior would have a powerful effect. She told me the age gap didn’t bother her, that she wanted me for who I was, not what I looked like. She spoke openly and often about wanting sex with me. In hindsight, this was manipulation, not desire. Her later panic when she thought I might actually come to Germany (see The Reaction) revealed the truth. It was all an act. None of it was real.

What felt like spontaneous chemistry was in fact calculated control.Below: Here she invites me to Germany for a two week sex holiday. She later charged me with sexual assault even though we never actually me in real life.

October 2023

One of her most effective manipulation tactics was claiming she "hated and distrusted all men" because they had "always abused her." This triggered a protective reflex in me. I felt the urge to reassure her that not all men were like that, that I was different, safe, trustworthy. She reinforced this by recounting stories of abuse, naming ex-boyfriends like Dominik, her father, and even her stepfather as psychological or sexual aggressors. This created a classic savior-victim dynamic she would later exploit.

By late October, the relationship had deepened. We were discussing long-term plans, including the possibility of my migrating to Germany. Although I was still married, it came up rarely. When it did, I told her my wife and I were estranged and that I was considering a formal separation. That seemed to satisfy her for the moment.

(In hindsight, I doubt she saw my marriage as a problem. She saw it as a pressure point, a future lever. And when the time came, she pulled it with surgical precision by contacting my wife directly. Not to confess, but to consolidate the narrative she had been crafting from the beginning.)

As she continued revealing more of her "personal struggles," I was drawn in further. She spoke of childhood trauma, failed relationships, a hostile work environment, trouble with her driving instructor, and urgent health issues. She said she needed 20,000 euros for reconstructive surgery. My empathy deepened. I wanted to help.

(I later discovered the procedure would have cost far less, about 3,000 euros in Turkey, which she had mentioned as her intended destination. Her chosen surgeon (whom I later looked up)  was no longer even in practice. It became clear this was a calculated attempt to extract money under false pretenses, wrapped in vulnerability and need.)

 

November 2023

Looking back with the clarity I lacked at the time, I now recognize the classic tactics of narcissistic manipulation at play. L.O. studied me carefully. She learned what triggered my protective instincts, what made me feel valued, and where my insecurities lived. She mined me for data constantly, asking about my childhood, traumas, and inner wounds. Sometimes she even ran "psychology tests" under the guise of helping me.

Then she mirrored me. She adopted my values, habits, and convictions, presenting a carefully tailored performance of perfect compatibility. She often spoke of soulmates and "twin flames," reinforcing the illusion that we were destined for each other. In truth, she was simply reflecting a curated version of me back at myself.

During one conversation, she said:
"You have to ask yourself why. Why are you so sad, so devastated, so hurt. It's inside you, something that's been there forever. I am your only chance to heal. You have to trust me. I didn’t hurt you, not really. I just opened a wound that never healed."
It sounded profound. In reality, it was a tactical play, casting herself as my only hope while excusing her own harm.

She positioned herself as my personal therapist. This was not out of compassion or genuine interest, but as part of a calculated and targeted campaign. The sex chats she initiated, where she demanded vivid and detailed scenarios, were another tactic. They were not about connection. They were designed to bind me, to deepen the dependency, and to collect material she could later use against me.

At the time, I had no idea. Now I understand. Every layer of intimacy was engineered. Every vulnerability was filed away for later use.

 

December 2023

By December, our relationship had intensified. L.O. urged me to travel to Germany to meet her. Soon we began making plans. She sent voice messages saying she missed me and when she asked me to tell my wife about our feelings for each other, I agreed. Just before New Year's Eve, I told my estranged wife everything. She was shocked and understandably hurt, but said that if it was truly what I needed, she would not stand in my way.

On New Year's Eve, December 31st 2023, L.O. sent me a voice message in German, wishing me a happy new year and said her only wish for 2024 was that we would finally meet in person at Stuttgart Airport. The message ended with a sexually suggestive comment and a playful giggle. It felt warm and genuine, strengthening my belief in her. I only realized later it contained no names, no personal identifiers. It could have been sent to anyone and still felt intimate.

Above is the message I received in December 2023. She sounds sincere and enthusiastic. Little did I know that it was all fake. Everything was just a pretense designed to make me believe she was really interested to meet with me in person. She later admitted she never had any intention to meet with me. She was just playing me to achieve her goals. Future faking is a favorite tactic used by narcissists to control their victims.  (Voice has been altered to protect privacy)

Next: The devaluation phase begins