"I don't want a slave. I want a man. Money money money, must be funny.You better be busy too. Or I will be married to another rich man by the time your short sexual organ is retired" L.O. (The terrified Victim)
The Anatomy of Manipulation: A Real-Time Breakdown of Narcissistic Control
When a Simple Question Becomes Psychological Warfare
"Why do you keep postponing our meetings?"
That's all I asked. One straightforward question about a pattern I'd observed over months. What followed was a masterclass in manipulation so sophisticated it deserves psychological study. The July 9-10, 2024 WhatsApp conversation between L.O. and myself reveals, in real-time, how covert narcissists transform reasonable questions into elaborate psychological operations.
Let me walk you through what happened when I dared to question the puppet master.
The Opening Gambit: Confronting the Pattern
Klaus (July 9th 17:15): "Today you told me you want to see first what p**** r***** says, and that should you start in September you would like some time to settle in before I come to be with you. Well that would mean that I am going to come there middle of September maybe beginning October. Now is that it's not postponing the 13th of August I don't know what is. Stop telling me bullshit and admit that you are subconsciously trying to postpone this meeting."
I laid out the facts: our agreed August 13th date had morphed into "middle of September, maybe beginning October." After eight postponements over seven months, I was done pretending this was coincidental.
Her response? A textbook demonstration of why arguing with a narcissist is like playing chess with someone who changes the rules mid-game.
The Deflection Symphony: Five Tactics in Four Minutes
L.O. (July 9th at 17:19): "I'll continue with our script in the meantime. Let me know when you want to see it and talk about the future plans. Sure. Take your time to think about the Situation. I don't pressure you to come here. You come here when you want. And if you want."
Notice what happened here:
1. Topic Diversion
Instead of addressing postponement, she pivoted to "our script" and "future plans", anything except the actual question.
2. False Magnanimity
"I don't pressure you to come here", positioning herself as accommodating while completely ignoring that I was the one trying to finalize plans she kept canceling.
3. The Permission Play
"You come here when you want. And if you want", granting "permission" for something I already had every right to do, establishing herself as the authority figure.
But she wasn't done. Within minutes:
L.O. (17:22): "Baby Calm down please. You can come middle of August like we planned. Ok? There is no other party you idiot."
4. The Contradiction Bomb
After suggesting postponement to September/October, she suddenly reverted to "middle of August like we planned", creating cognitive dissonance about what was actually happening.
5. The Insult
"Baby calm down" treating my legitimate concern as an emotional overreaction while calling me an "idiot" in the same breath.
The Escalation: When Questions Become "Threats"
As I pressed for honest answers, L.O. rapidly escalated to manufactured victimhood:
L.O. (17:28): "What the fuck is wrong with you? writing such shit just because I said we should consider my job situation. You are mentally ill :("
Notice the progression:
- My factual observation becomes "shit"
- Her postponement becomes reasonable "consideration"
- My questioning becomes evidence of mental illness
L.O. (18:50): "If you write one more time to my job account I will ignore you for a week! My colleagues can log into that Account and see this shit!"
Interesting: I had questioned her about postponement patterns, but somehow I was now "threatening her career." This manufactured crisis served multiple purposes:
- Justified her defensive responses - She wasn't avoiding accountability, she was "protecting herself"
- Created a false power dynamic - I became the aggressor despite asking reasonable questions
- Set up future victim narratives - Any continued questioning became "harassment"
The Nuclear Option: The Farewell Manifesto
L.O. (July 10th 11:43): The next morning brought a lengthy email that's worth examining as a masterpiece of reality distortion:
"What you did yesterday left me stunned, but also opened my eyes for good. I communicated to you clearly and rationally on the phone that it makes sense to wait with the exact date until I know if and when my new job starts."
Let's break this down:
Preemptive Framing
She opened by positioning herself as the rational party who was "stunned" by my unreasonable behavior—before even addressing what actually happened.
Historical Revision
"I communicated clearly and rationally"—rewriting her pattern of eight postponements as reasonable planning.
Victim Positioning
"Your manipulation tactics are tiring, respectless... You terrorize me with spam or silent treatment. You're toxic and make my life a living hell."
She accused me of exactly what she was doing:
- Manipulation while manipulating
- Disrespect while being disrespectful
- Silent treatment while blocking and deleting me
- Toxic behavior while being toxic
The DARVO Masterclass
When I continued pressing for honesty, L.O. demonstrated perfect DARVO technique (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender):
"I am sorry. But I did not postpone on purpose." (Deny) "You are mentally ill." (Attack) "I want to ask you what you want so that you will not destroy my life" (Reverse Victim/Offender)
She transformed her postponement behavior into my alleged threats against her career, a threat that existed nowhere except in her manufactured narrative.
The Intermittent Reinforcement Trap
Throughout the conversation, L.O. alternated between different emotional states to create psychological dependency:
Warm/inviting: "Baby calm down please" Cold/rejecting: "This is goodbye from my side" Pleading: "Please do not punish me" Threatening: "I will ignore you for a week!"
This unpredictable pattern is more psychologically damaging than consistent abuse because it creates addictive seeking behavior, constantly hoping for the next "positive" response.
The Control Obsession Revealed
One of the most telling moments came when I tried to set a meeting time:
Klaus (17:50): "Ok, just because I am amused to hear you explain what you did yesterday lets talk at 8pm. So are we on for 8pm yes or no?"
L.O. (18:11): "But you read my Emails first. Each and every one of them or I have to repeat myself 10 times"
Even when agreeing to talk, she had to control the terms. When I refused to accept her conditions:
Klaus (18:37): "I think we should forget the 8pm talk. You already trying to manipulate me."
L.O. (18:44): "Just write me in WhatsApp when you feel like it, I don't really care tbh"
The moment she realized she couldn't control the meeting terms, she lost interest. This wasn't about communication, it was about control.
The Projection Olympics
Perhaps most revealing was how L.O. consistently accused me of behaviors she was actively demonstrating:
L.O.: "Stop your stupid childish Power Games" - while playing power games
L.O.: "Your manipulation tactics are tiring" - while manipulating
L.O.: "You are being ignorant and disrespectful" - while being ignorant and disrespectful
L.O.: "Stop threatening me" - while making threats
This isn't accidental, —it's a sophisticated tactic that muddies the water about who's actually engaging in problematic behavior.
The Final Revelation: Manufacturing Threats
The climax came when I mentioned, somewhat childishly, that her boss was on my Telegram contact list:
Klaus (19:03): "Hey, did you know Michael is on my telegram list?"
L.O. (19:04): "Why are you threatening me? Why?"
This innocent observation (I was trying to rile her up, admittedly) became evidence of a "threat" to destroy her career. From this manufactured crisis, she built an entire narrative:
L.O.: "If you want something from me that makes you not destroy my life please tell me... I will try my best to provide you what you want and need."
She transformed a casual comment into career destruction threats, positioning herself as someone willing to negotiate with a dangerous person—all based on me mentioning a Telegram contact.
The Psychological Sophistication
What makes this conversation particularly chilling is its calculated nature. L.O. employed:
Audience Awareness
Her messages assumed future third-party readers, crafting a narrative that would make her appear reasonable to authorities or others.
Strategic Timing
She consistently chose times that would create maximum disruption (like when my wife was returning from work).
Emotional Orchestration
Every response was designed to provoke specific emotional reactions that she could then weaponize.
Reality Distortion
She created alternative timelines and narratives in real-time, making it impossible to maintain a coherent understanding of events.
What This Teaches Us About Narcissistic Abuse
This conversation demonstrates that covert narcissistic abuse isn't random emotional chaos, it's psychological warfare disguised as relationship communication. Key patterns include:
The Impossibility of Honest Communication
No matter how simple the question, it becomes a complex manipulation exercise designed to avoid accountability.
The Weaponization of Victimhood
Every confrontation becomes evidence of the narcissist being persecuted, no matter how reasonable the original concern.
The Control Obsession
It's never about resolving issues, it's about maintaining power dynamics and control over the narrative.
The Projection Defense
Accusing others of your own behaviors creates confusion and deflects scrutiny.
The Bigger Picture
This conversation occurred just weeks before L.O. would orchestrate my ban from the PIKA platform, launch cyber attacks against my accounts, and file false criminal charges. Understanding this exchange as manipulation practice rather than relationship communication provides crucial context for everything that followed.
The sophistication revealed here, the strategic timing, audience awareness, reality distortion, and psychological manipulation, shows this wasn't someone reacting emotionally to relationship stress. This was someone conducting psychological operations against a romantic partner.
Conclusion: When Questions Become Weapons
What started as "Why do you keep postponing our meetings?" became a demonstration of how narcissists transform any accountability moment into an elaborate theatrical production where they're simultaneously the director, star, and victim.
The most disturbing aspect isn't any individual tactic, but their seamless integration into what appears to be normal conversation. This is how covert narcissistic abuse operates: psychological warfare disguised as relationship communication.
Understanding these patterns transforms confusion into clarity, victimization into recognition, and reactive defense into informed disengagement. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do with a narcissist isn't trying to win the argument, it's recognizing that you're not actually having an argument at all. You're being performed upon.
The question "Why do you keep postponing our meetings?" never did get answered. Because answering it honestly would have required something L.O. simply couldn't provide: accountability.