Understanding Cluster B Patterns

After a year of confusing interactions that left me questioning my own reality, I began meticulously documenting every conversation, every shift in behavior, every contradiction. What emerged was a clear pattern that aligned disturbingly well with Cluster B personality disorders, particularly Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I also believe that she suffers from secondary psychopathy. These are just my opinions. 

This isn't about diagnosing anyone,  I'm not a mental health professional. This is about recognizing patterns that helped me understand what I was experiencing wasn't normal, wasn't my fault, and wasn't something I could fix. Patterns include:

• Identity disturbance: The multiple personas, the contradictory self-presentations may look like mood swings
• Emotional dysregulation: The extreme reactions and impulsive behavior is extreme and shocking
• Splitting: Seeing people as all-good or all-bad with no middle ground. Black and White child like thinking
• Fear of abandonment: The frantic attempts to maintain control at all cost. Control is paramount to a narcissist
• Lack of empathy: The willingness to cause pain without remorse or regret. Leans towards psychopathy.

 

The Patterns I Recognized

 

1. The Shape-Shifter: Multiple Personas

One of the most disorienting aspects was dealing with what felt like multiple people. L.O.  would present herself completely differently depending on her audience:

• The victim who needed saving
• The aggressor who would destroy me
• The sweet, vulnerable person who missed me
• The cold stranger who never cared

She even used different email identities with distinctly different communication styles. It was like watching someone change masks, but forgetting which mask they wore with whom.

 

2. Emotional Whiplash

The emotional volatility was exhausting. Within hours, sometimes minutes, I'd experience:

• "I miss you too" → "Get the fuck out of my life"
• Planning our future → "I never want to see you again"
• Loving messages → Vicious attacks

There was no middle ground, no nuance, everything was either perfect or terrible.

 

3. The Cycle of Hope and Destruction

Perhaps the cruelest pattern was what she herself later admitted: "I should not have made you more hopes one day and destroy them the next day." This wasn't accidental, it was a deliberate cycle:

• Create hope with promises of meetings, reconciliation, a future together
• Postpone or cancel at the last minute (at least 8 documented times)
• Deny ever making promises
• Attack me for being "obsessed" when I referenced her own words

 

4. The Art of Projection

Everything she accused me of, she was actively doing:

• Accused me of blackmail while threatening to contact my spouse and employer
• Called me a stalker while obsessively monitoring my online activities, stalking me before we met and continuing to this day
• Said I was threatening her while making explicit threats, including threats of people coming to my home and harming my family
• Claimed I was manipulative while actively manipulating situations

 

5. DARVO in Action

I learned about DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) the hard way. Every time I tried to address her behavior:

1. Deny: "I never said that" (despite written evidence)
2. Attack: "You're obsessed/crazy/delusional/mentally ill"
3. Reverse Victim and Offender: "You're abusing me by bringing this up"

 

Specific Examples That Opened My Eyes

 

The Meeting That Never Happened

Over the course of our relationship, L.O. postponed our planned meetings at least 8 times. Each time with a different excuse, each time denying she'd ever postponed before. When I finally compiled the evidence of all the postponements, her response was explosive rage followed by admission: "Since then I kept postponing." The gaslighting was so intense I had started doubting my own memory. But her own documented admission is irrefutable.

 

The Sexual Contradiction

L.O. would initiate explicit sexual conversations, share intimate details, make suggestive comments. Later, she would tell others I was sexually harassing her with unwanted advances. The whiplash between her actual behavior and her narrative to others was staggering. There is ample evidence that she sees sex as a tool to use for manipulation, especially in the context of older men. 

 

When Things Escalated

After being banned from a platform for her behavior, the retaliation was severe and ongoing. My accounts were hacked, my personal information compromised. The digital fingerprints matched her known devices. Her message to me is unmistakable. The willingness to cause real harm when feeling slighted was a wake-up call about what I was dealing with. Narcissistic rage and revenge is no small matter. She is relentless and remorseless. Believing herself to be the victim allows her to justify any action as permissible.

 

Moving Forward

Discovering that L.O. had a history of psychiatric treatment (she met her boyfriend Dom at a psychiatric facility) helped me understand this wasn't about me. These patterns existed before me and would likely continue after me.

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