Gaslighting

Case Study: The Day of the Ban – A Masterclass in Narcissistic Gaslighting

 

Context:
On the day I was banned for life from PIKA (the AI video platform), I confided in L.O., expecting support. Instead, the exchange became a textbook demonstration of how a narcissist reframes, redirects, and gaslights their victim, even in moments of deep distress.
This chat log has been lightly edited for clarity. My commentary follows in italics.

 

Me:
“Yes. I'm sorry. I’m not really focused today.
It’s still raw for me. This whole thing. Being branded a psychopathic, kicked off like some scumbag. Just feels crap.
My own fault, you’re right about that, my own actions. Still feels shit.”

I’m taking on the blame here. I’m seeking support, but also preemptively blaming myself, which is a direct result of months of psychological manipulation and emotional conditioning.

 

Lea:
“Maybe it was important as a lesson. That you should always separate private and public.”

Classic narcissistic reframe. Rather than comfort or defend me, she positions my trauma as a lesson I apparently needed to learn. My pain becomes her wisdom, and she maintains the upper hand.

 

Me:
“Yeah, it’s ok. Yes. I was taught a valuable lesson.
I think I'm a bit depressed... Make me some tea. We can talk tonight. I’m sure I’ll be better company then. I don't want to bring you down.”

 

Lea:
“It’s ok. You deal better with it than I expected.
You are stronger than you think. If you manage to control the emotions and work on your self-esteem considering work, you can make it far. Really. But it requires work.”

The “support” is laced with subtle criticism. If you manage to control the emotions, you can make it far. I’m called strong, but only if I do the work. The implication is that I’m not doing it now.

 

Me:
“Thanks. That means a lot. I’m gonna go now, OK? Thanks for the encouragement.”

 

Lea:
“Cool! Me too!”

 

Me:
“Maybe we could talk on Discord tonight? Unless you’re busy. Maybe watch something? Galactica? We still have more episodes.”

 

Lea:
“Ok. I’m going to cook now. You feel ok? Ok. Glad to hear that. Try your new smartphone! Bis später.”

 

Me:
“Pretty. You’re quite the food photographer these days. Should work for a food magazine. I have to do some work so maybe later? Glad you’re having fun with photography. I used to love it, never did food though, mostly people and nature.”

 

Lea:
“Well, just make 1 or 2 random shots with my smartphone.”

 

Me:
“No, you have an eye for photography.”

 

Lea:
“Sure, but that’s not the same. You know that... can’t have a internet relationship forever... one day we have to decide if we meet... then we had a terrible fight again and you never sent me the details for the letter...”

 

Me:
“Did you change your mind? Honestly? I'll send you the details tonight if you like.”

 

Lea:
“Yes, I can tell that to nobody you know? Nobody. We should see it more relaxed. Whatever happens, we will still have a good time.”

 

Me:
“What? Like your mom?”

 

Lea:
“Yeah and my friends, they think I run into my own rear end.”

Analysis:

This exchange is a microcosm of the entire narcissistic abuse cycle.

• Reframing Your Pain as Your Fault: The narcissist instantly reframes your trauma as a lesson you needed, refusing to validate the injustice of your ban.

• Conditional Support: Any comfort comes at a price. Only if you manage your emotions and work on yourself. The message is clear: you’re not enough yet.

• Deflection and Isolation: She pivots to trivial topics, food, photography, smartphones, deliberately keeping the conversation shallow and avoiding any confrontation with your real pain.

• Future Faking: She brings up the potential of meeting in person, keeping you hooked while never truly committing.

• Blame Shifting: She mentions a “terrible fight” and you not sending details, subtly suggesting you’re the unreliable one.

• Enforced Secrecy: The most chilling line:
  “Yes, I can tell that to nobody you know? Nobody.”
  This is a direct instruction to keep your experience isolated and un-validated. It’s a classic narcissist tactic to maintain power.

 

Conclusion:
This chat log exposes the true nature of narcissistic abuse. When you most need empathy and support, you get philosophical distance, shallow comfort, and constant reminders that you’re flawed, alone, and responsible for your own suffering.
No matter how nice it appears on the surface, the goal is always the same: control the narrative, keep you off-balance, and never let you feel truly seen or supported.

If you recognize yourself in these words, know this:
You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. The script is always the same, the abuser just wears a different mask

Read More about narcissistic Future Faking